It's almost 3 in the morning and I'm still here being unwell. I used that turm because I'm unsure with what I'm feeling. I'm not happy and at the same time I'm not sad. Most certainly not emo.
I thought going to Indonesia will make me or made me move on and forget the past. And yeah, it worked. To be honest it was a long journey. Every day was painful and unusual but as you go on, you get used to it. So I thought.
Recently, like days ago, when I thought I was ready to start a new every flopped. Everything went back. Feelings, hopes, pains... Everything! It's like you just went into rehab and thought you were sober but with a snap you're addicted again.
I'm really unsure of what I'm feeling right now. But the one who's dominating is sadness fr the most parts. It's like wanting a chance but your mind tells you to stop. I really have letting-go issues. I should really accept the fact that boy are meant for girls and not everyone finds love. I should really know how to not trespass the borderline between friendship and more.
Letting go is not an easy task. We all know that! How can we let go when our hearts enjoy? When our hearts contradict the decision made by our hearts. What should we follow, a heart that never fails us or the brain that knows more. Hard right?
From now on I promise to distract myself once again. Distraction is the best addicition. That didn't make sense right. I also promised myself that I'll never put malice one things. When a friend talks to you, it doesn't mean that he likes you the way you want him to like you.
Well, only God and Time can tell if we'll find love or what. We shoul really put it into their hands. Stop finding it and start living life! Move on!
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